The end of anxiety, or how I learned to love who I am
It's been a while since I posted anything. There has been a lot to do with work, and with the family, and with my own relationship issues that I have just not felt like writing.
However, all of these things have made look at myself at my own failings, and what I need to do to change them.
We've been in a rut. We haven't been enjoying ourselves. I think a lot of that has been to financial pressure, but I also think I let my depression get in the way of a lot of my happiness.
I haven't dealt with my depression very well. In fact, I usually ignore it. I have other people to take care of. People who need me to be strong, alert, confident, and a provider. The problem is that when you don't deal properly with your depression, it becomes harder to let go of it when you finally realize that you need to.
My wife has been an excellent partner - more than she thinks she has. She has been there when I have needed her, and she has taught me a lot about myself. How I can rely on myself, and how I can rely on my family. However, I haven't done all that I needed for her and our relationship. At some point I stopped taking care of myself emotionally, creatively, and physically.
This has put a strain on our relationship, and has been one of the main causes of our current rut. I don't communicate my needs effectively, and often put pressure on her. I stopped loving myself, and it has pushed her away. I am surprised that she is still by my side.
I am not saying the anxiety is completely over. It still rears it's head from time to time, but I am better prepared for it. The anxiety gives me perspective into myself, and what truly stresses me out. Honestly, I am my own stress. I have created a routine of stressing myself out, and allowing my stress to get the better of me.
I am starting to like myself again. I think the new job is helping, but also that my wife and I are truly talking. We are talking about our problems, our goals, our shortcomings, and our successes.
I feel pretty good, and I plan on keeping this feeling going as long as I can.
However, all of these things have made look at myself at my own failings, and what I need to do to change them.
We've been in a rut. We haven't been enjoying ourselves. I think a lot of that has been to financial pressure, but I also think I let my depression get in the way of a lot of my happiness.
I haven't dealt with my depression very well. In fact, I usually ignore it. I have other people to take care of. People who need me to be strong, alert, confident, and a provider. The problem is that when you don't deal properly with your depression, it becomes harder to let go of it when you finally realize that you need to.
My wife has been an excellent partner - more than she thinks she has. She has been there when I have needed her, and she has taught me a lot about myself. How I can rely on myself, and how I can rely on my family. However, I haven't done all that I needed for her and our relationship. At some point I stopped taking care of myself emotionally, creatively, and physically.
This has put a strain on our relationship, and has been one of the main causes of our current rut. I don't communicate my needs effectively, and often put pressure on her. I stopped loving myself, and it has pushed her away. I am surprised that she is still by my side.
I am not saying the anxiety is completely over. It still rears it's head from time to time, but I am better prepared for it. The anxiety gives me perspective into myself, and what truly stresses me out. Honestly, I am my own stress. I have created a routine of stressing myself out, and allowing my stress to get the better of me.
I am starting to like myself again. I think the new job is helping, but also that my wife and I are truly talking. We are talking about our problems, our goals, our shortcomings, and our successes.
I feel pretty good, and I plan on keeping this feeling going as long as I can.