Ohana

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Playing again

There is a sense of normalcy creeping back into my life. A sense of comfort and stability that I, to be honest, thought had vanished. My wife and I have started connecting again. Oddly, we have been connecting through music. We have both heard each other play and sing, but in our eleven years of knowing each other we have never actually played together. Weird, huh? My wife got the idea of recording a bunch of songs she wrote back in college, and I have been playing bass along side her as she works out arrangements. It has been fun. It's not the kind of music I would typically play, but it's good to break out of my comfort zone. I still get to play my upright, and on occasion I have been breaking out my ukelele. We've been talking about the events that transpired, and I think the music is helping us rekindle those parts of ourselves that we thought we lost. Here's to a new chapter, and a clean slate.
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Slow and steady

If there is one thing that I have a problem with, it's letting go and not trying to fix everything at once. I have a difficult time not trying to "fix" something, even though that something may need to fix itself in its own time. It is unbearable to me to see a problem that I can't solve, and I usually try to power through it as fast as possible. The sooner the problem is corrected, the less anxious I feel. However, as I am learning, not all problems can be solved over a few days. They still take work. They still take determination and persistence. However, they also take time. Time to heal, time to grieve, and time to calm. This is kind of what brought me here; my impatience with disorder. I want to go to my wife and tell her that everything is okay, that we will be fine, and that we will work through this, but in my heart I know that she has her own uneasiness to deal with. She has her own cross to bare, and try as I might to help I have to let her bare it. Al...
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Not a good day

I didn't sleep much last night. It actually was from heartburn, and not my current slate of problems. However, today I am dealing with sadness and anger and betrayal and everything all at once. I feel so overwhelmed today. I know it is mostly due to a lack of sleep. It seems that when I do sleep I have a pretty good day the following morning. When I have a bad sleeping night, I don't do to well. I can't eat, I can't smile, I can't enjoy my kids. Everything I do is forced. I hope to get a nap at some point today. That may help. At some point, I know we will have to talk about my feelings this today, but for now I just want them to go away.
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