Ohana

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Oh Friedrich, you sneaky bastard...

It's not easy facing your worse fears. I recently experienced what I can only call the worst week of my life. My wife and I almost split up, and just the memory of what was said has shaken me to my core. I feel like my security in life, my faith in those around me was seriously tested. However as Nietzche said, "Whatever does not kill us, only makes us stronger." The funny thing is that right now I don't feel very strong. In fact, I feel quite the opposite. I feel weak, helpless, unsure of myself, and for the first time I am truly petrified of what the future might bring. I feel like the rug has been swept out from under me, and I am having a hard time catching myself on the dining room table. Without getting into too much detail, my wife and I had probably had the biggest fight of our lives. Now, we don't really fight. We never have. I tend to stray from conflict. Instead, I don the jester's cap and prance around the king like a damn fool. I hide behind...
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Time to move on

I want this to be the last day of hurt. From now on, I look forward to a bright and happy future. I want to... no... I have to be willing to move on. I have to remember that we are stronger when we are together then when we are apart. I have to put my hurt aside not just for her, but for me. Dwelling on pain does not help. She wants to move on. So do I. This will just be a brief hiccup in our relationship, but we can make it stronger. To anybody who reads this, I love you.
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Just am

It's weird. I have only been on this medication for a couple of days. I think I am doing a bit better on one than the other. Boston is nice, I am actually quite relaxed. I feel much more emotionally centered and not so clingy, which is good, and I am able to enjoy it more. Some things have been said, and though they hurt I know they were not meant to. I feel really good. She is worried that I am depressed, but I think it's just that I am relaxed and maybe a little ... emotionally numb? It's like I am here in the present, and can see things for what they are. I kinda miss my everyday jovial self, but since that self has been hidden away I think it could use some time off to just let go and enjoy. Incidents of the past are clearer now. I am okay with where things are going, it's just that I feel a little numbness. I guess that's okay. I mean, I need the pedulum to reach equilibrium for a little while before it starts swinging again. Either way, I feel ... good...
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