Ohana

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Playing again

There is a sense of normalcy creeping back into my life. A sense of comfort and stability that I, to be honest, thought had vanished. My wife and I have started connecting again. Oddly, we have been connecting through music. We have both heard each other play and sing, but in our eleven years of knowing each other we have never actually played together. Weird, huh? My wife got the idea of recording a bunch of songs she wrote back in college, and I have been playing bass along side her as she works out arrangements. It has been fun. It's not the kind of music I would typically play, but it's good to break out of my comfort zone. I still get to play my upright, and on occasion I have been breaking out my ukelele. We've been talking about the events that transpired, and I think the music is helping us rekindle those parts of ourselves that we thought we lost. Here's to a new chapter, and a clean slate.
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Taking the time to relax

This isn't something I do too often. That is to say, really relax. Oh I vegetate, but I don't really relax. I don't try to enjoy the calm and quiet around me. Instead I try to fill it up with noise and numb myself to the outside world. Tonight, I did some work, took a bath, read a little, listened to some Mozart, and now I am here... relaxed. Comfortable, waiting for my sweet to come home. Waiting for a kiss from my love. For now, I need to meditate and refocus myself.
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Slow and steady

If there is one thing that I have a problem with, it's letting go and not trying to fix everything at once. I have a difficult time not trying to "fix" something, even though that something may need to fix itself in its own time. It is unbearable to me to see a problem that I can't solve, and I usually try to power through it as fast as possible. The sooner the problem is corrected, the less anxious I feel. However, as I am learning, not all problems can be solved over a few days. They still take work. They still take determination and persistence. However, they also take time. Time to heal, time to grieve, and time to calm. This is kind of what brought me here; my impatience with disorder. I want to go to my wife and tell her that everything is okay, that we will be fine, and that we will work through this, but in my heart I know that she has her own uneasiness to deal with. She has her own cross to bare, and try as I might to help I have to let her bare it. Al...
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