Ohana

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Oh Friedrich, you sneaky bastard...

It's not easy facing your worse fears. I recently experienced what I can only call the worst week of my life. My wife and I almost split up, and just the memory of what was said has shaken me to my core. I feel like my security in life, my faith in those around me was seriously tested. However as Nietzche said, "Whatever does not kill us, only makes us stronger." The funny thing is that right now I don't feel very strong. In fact, I feel quite the opposite. I feel weak, helpless, unsure of myself, and for the first time I am truly petrified of what the future might bring. I feel like the rug has been swept out from under me, and I am having a hard time catching myself on the dining room table. Without getting into too much detail, my wife and I had probably had the biggest fight of our lives. Now, we don't really fight. We never have. I tend to stray from conflict. Instead, I don the jester's cap and prance around the king like a damn fool. I hide behind
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Just a missive

Pardon the pity party, but I don't know if I'll make it to 2015. I don't know how many will even notice. I'm tired of being the work mule. I am tired of having to put myself aside and wait for everyone else around me. I am tired of being the one to keep the house running only to have no time, energy, or resources to work on my projects. I have a garage piling high in recycling because it's too cold to go out there and sort it. I have boxes of Christmas decorations in the hall waiting to be put away. Only thing is that I need to clean up the garage to get them out there. The kids beds need to be changed, meaning I have mattresses to move. Guess who is in charge of scheduling that? Me. I have a kitchen to clean, constantly. I have dinners to make because I need to start eating better. The problem is, that I will need to make several dinners because I am sure no one will eat what I need to eat. I have laundry to wash or else no one will have clean clothes. I ha
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Time to move on

I want this to be the last day of hurt. From now on, I look forward to a bright and happy future. I want to... no... I have to be willing to move on. I have to remember that we are stronger when we are together then when we are apart. I have to put my hurt aside not just for her, but for me. Dwelling on pain does not help. She wants to move on. So do I. This will just be a brief hiccup in our relationship, but we can make it stronger. To anybody who reads this, I love you.
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