Ohana

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I am trying, and we will make it through

This has been one of the worst weeks of my life. I just need to vent because this is too much, and if I don't let it out it just eats away at me. We had gotten back to a point in our relationship where we were playing again. Using each other to escape. And then... the shoe dropped. I'm shaken, I'm shocked, I'm shattered. I'm hurt. It's hard to recover from something like this. So much of my confidence is tied into my relationship, and when the relationship starts to have problems my first thoughts are "What am I not doing right?" It's hard to rebuild trust when something like this happens. It takes a lot out of you just to put yourself out there again. However, you have to be willing to trust again. You have to remind yourself that "she is still here." No matter how much you are hurting, you have to remember that what happened was in the past even if the past were mere weeks before. I felt like that happy spot that I had just re...
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Not a good day

I didn't sleep much last night. It actually was from heartburn, and not my current slate of problems. However, today I am dealing with sadness and anger and betrayal and everything all at once. I feel so overwhelmed today. I know it is mostly due to a lack of sleep. It seems that when I do sleep I have a pretty good day the following morning. When I have a bad sleeping night, I don't do to well. I can't eat, I can't smile, I can't enjoy my kids. Everything I do is forced. I hope to get a nap at some point today. That may help. At some point, I know we will have to talk about my feelings this today, but for now I just want them to go away.
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today's double post

I'm going to go out with a friend from work. What I really want to do is come home and cry. I really don't know why I am so sad right now. Maybe it's just residual depression. I am seeing a doctor this Wednesday, and may be put on meds. I'm just tired. I just wanna collapse in her arms, and her say this will never happen again. Just to hear her say "You're too important to me to hurt you again. I promise that I will make it up to you." I'm sure she's trying to tell me in her own way. I just wish I could shake this depression. I will someday. I do have Boston to look forward to after all.
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