One day at a time

I am trying to take everything now one day at a time. It's hard. My biggest failure, I think, is that I feel like am not doing enough. I overwhelm myself with all these external tasks, and don't take time for myself. The best way for me to recharge is to just be alone.

We, or I, tried to talked last night, and she said that she didn't want to talk about it. I realized, that I really didn't want to either. I've said my peace. Now she needs to come to me when she's ready. What I want is my friend back? My companion. My partner. And then I realized, she is here and I am pushing her away. It's just really hard to not obsess about it. I become fixated on one thing (wonder where my son gets it), and have a hard time letting it go. I need to stop that.

So now, my new mantra is one day at a time. Some days may be good. Some may be bad. But, I need to give us both space away from this. To let her truly know that I am alright. For her not to feel that she is being harped on. I had my 2 months of craziness, and I truly need to let it go.

At the same time, I need to tell her how I feel. I also need her to tell me how she feels. Right now I just need to calm down, and just keep telling myself it's going to be okay. Because, really it is. We are just both stressed with work and chores and all the other minutiae.

It's going to be awhile before I am 100 percent over what happened, but I have to remember that I am creating my own suffering by holding onto events of the past.

Today is a new day, and I am looking forward to all of my tomorrow with her.

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