Growing Up Dad

I just have to let her. I need to remember that I need her to come to me. I took my ring off. It was a big deal for me. My ring is the one thing that I do not wish to part with, but I felt that I needed to take it off. It was like I ripped a major part of myself off. I felt good for a little while, but now I am starting to miss it. I will more than likely put it back on when I get home today. In fact, I am planning on it. I meant to do it this morning, but I felt that I needed one more day to let go. I've really needed to let go, and it's hard. Much harder than I thought it would be. I don't think she'll ever understand. To hear, these types of events are just "forget 'em and move on". For me, they are more. It almost destroyed my family. It's just simply going to be a long time when I can go a whole day without crying.

I didn't sleep much last night. It actually was from heartburn, and not my current slate of problems. However, today I am dealing with sadness and anger and betrayal and everything all at once. I feel so overwhelmed today. I know it is mostly due to a lack of sleep. It seems that when I do sleep I have a pretty good day the following morning. When I have a bad sleeping night, I don't do to well. I can't eat, I can't smile, I can't enjoy my kids. Everything I do is forced. I hope to get a nap at some point today. That may help. At some point, I know we will have to talk about my feelings this today, but for now I just want them to go away.

It's been a hard 6 weeks. I've been on a roller coaster of emotions. I have gone through all 8,000,000,000 stages of depression and grief, and I am now starting to feel normal. I feel like I don't want to talk about it as much, which I think is a good thing. I'll know it'll come up occasionally, and I know we will remember the hurt feelings. However, I think we need to let it go. We need to stop looking at each other as if it is the only thing we can talk about. She says she let it go, which is fine. I'm not sure if she has though. I think she is still trying to work through it herself in her own way. Me, I think I finally let it go. I can accept what happened now. I can accept my anger. I can accept my pain. I can accept that I hurt even though I have forgiven her, and that was the hardest part. How can you forgive somebody so soon, and still be hurt. The answer, I think - I believe, is that forgiveness and hurt are separate emotions that are part of th

I have been dealing with the last several weeks as best as I could. Some may say that I am dealing with it poorly. Others may say that I am dealing with it as well as can be expected. To be honest, I don't care. All that I know is that I can't go back to 4 weeks ago before my heart was broken. I can't just merely forget, no matter what I try. I can't just wish it away. What I can do is move forward, but now I want to be selfish. It's my turn I get what I want in this relationship. I shouldn't have to constantly make concessions, and I certainly shouldn't have to wait for someone to dole out their scraps in order for me to feel like I am loved. It's time to make it clear that my broken heart is not my fault. I didn't ask for this. Nor did I play any part in this. I was only ever devoted to my family. Yes, I made mistakes, and yes there may have been times when I truly wasn't listening, but now is my time to get over the heartache. This is

I said something to you yesterday that I want to take back. I got mad at you for giving those people in your life who try to push you down power over you, and said that I am mad because you don't give that power to me. The truth is that I don't need that power. I don't need to exert my will over yours - nor should I. I was wrong. I am concerned that you don't take that power for yourself. It is your power. You have earned it. Take back that power you let others hold over you, and never let go. Don't give that power to anyone. Not to me, not to the kids, and certainly not to anyone else except for yourself. Instead, share with us the joy you feel from that power. Knowing that power is yours. That you are worth it, and most importantly that you are worthwhile. You are worth it.