Unconditionally
Things have been getting better. My wife and I have been talking more, and reconnecting again. Meanwhile, I've dropped close to 30 pounds in 3 weeks. Not really healthy.
I have been having recurring dreams where I have been basically reliving the events of a few weeks ago. Typically I can get past them; clear my mind and remember that things are okay. But every now and then I get inexplicably sad. The hurt from that time returns and overwhelms me. I feel the tear in my heart, and my lack of confidence begins to resurface.
I just want to go back to before that. When we would call each other's name during our "alone time"; when we would worship each other with 100% of ourselves. I know it takes time, but right now is the time when I need to feel... well... worshiped. I need to feel special.
Now, she has apologized, and so have I. I forgive her, but the words that were said still hurt.
The thing is that I love her. I have never put conditions on her, and I don't want. Well, that is, I do want to, but it wouldn't do either of us good. I made a promise to her, and I want to keep that promise. I just want someone to take the pain away from me. I want to have that tear in my hear sewn up. I want to feel like I am her one and only.
Hopefully, this will come in time. Just for now, I miss it.
I think I will take a walk. It will do me good to get out of the house, and clear my head. I do have work to do today, but I need to let the sun light cleanse me.
I need to meditate on my love for her. I need to heal myself. I need me.
I have been having recurring dreams where I have been basically reliving the events of a few weeks ago. Typically I can get past them; clear my mind and remember that things are okay. But every now and then I get inexplicably sad. The hurt from that time returns and overwhelms me. I feel the tear in my heart, and my lack of confidence begins to resurface.
I just want to go back to before that. When we would call each other's name during our "alone time"; when we would worship each other with 100% of ourselves. I know it takes time, but right now is the time when I need to feel... well... worshiped. I need to feel special.
Now, she has apologized, and so have I. I forgive her, but the words that were said still hurt.
The thing is that I love her. I have never put conditions on her, and I don't want. Well, that is, I do want to, but it wouldn't do either of us good. I made a promise to her, and I want to keep that promise. I just want someone to take the pain away from me. I want to have that tear in my hear sewn up. I want to feel like I am her one and only.
Hopefully, this will come in time. Just for now, I miss it.
I think I will take a walk. It will do me good to get out of the house, and clear my head. I do have work to do today, but I need to let the sun light cleanse me.
I need to meditate on my love for her. I need to heal myself. I need me.