From Pain to Grief to Anger to Acceptance to Forgiveness
It's been a hard 6 weeks. I've been on a roller coaster of emotions. I have gone through all 8,000,000,000 stages of depression and grief, and I am now starting to feel normal.
I feel like I don't want to talk about it as much, which I think is a good thing. I'll know it'll come up occasionally, and I know we will remember the hurt feelings. However, I think we need to let it go. We need to stop looking at each other as if it is the only thing we can talk about.
She says she let it go, which is fine. I'm not sure if she has though. I think she is still trying to work through it herself in her own way.
Me, I think I finally let it go. I can accept what happened now. I can accept my anger. I can accept my pain. I can accept that I hurt even though I have forgiven her, and that was the hardest part. How can you forgive somebody so soon, and still be hurt.
The answer, I think - I believe, is that forgiveness and hurt are separate emotions that are part of the same situation. They coincide. They ebb and flow with each other, but they are not solely connected. In fact, I believe, that forgiveness, true forgiveness, cannot really start until accepting the pain begins.
You have to acknowledge the pain, the anger, the heartache, before the scars can fade. You have to let the emotion out. You have to find some way to ride the emotional wave, no matter which emotion, in order to come out the other side. Whether that's screaming in your car, fighting with the other in the mirror, or putting on a song and just letting the tears flow. Whatever the method you choose, you need to give yourself the time and the space to accept the pain. You need to say to yourself "this is my anger. This is my strife. These are my tears that I can no longer keep damned up.", or else the poison will slowly infect your heart. The anger will plant a dark seed that will grow into a notorious weed strangling the joy from everything around you.
By accepting your anger, you are ultimately accepting yourself. You are saying to yourself "I am important." You are saying, "My emotions are valid.", and until you can do that... you won't be able to forgive those that have wronged you, or rebuild the trust that was broken.
Now, I can truly forgive. I can let go. I can move forward from this knowing that my relationship can be stronger than it was before. No more talking about the past. No more holding it over the other's head. Now it is time to rebuild the relationship, and make it something even stronger and brighter.
I forgive because I accept what has happened as being part of the past. I forgive because I will let my anger pass through me, and not be stopped by me. I forgive because I love a very wonderful woman who lets me feel. I forgive because it is time for me to.
I feel like I don't want to talk about it as much, which I think is a good thing. I'll know it'll come up occasionally, and I know we will remember the hurt feelings. However, I think we need to let it go. We need to stop looking at each other as if it is the only thing we can talk about.
She says she let it go, which is fine. I'm not sure if she has though. I think she is still trying to work through it herself in her own way.
Me, I think I finally let it go. I can accept what happened now. I can accept my anger. I can accept my pain. I can accept that I hurt even though I have forgiven her, and that was the hardest part. How can you forgive somebody so soon, and still be hurt.
The answer, I think - I believe, is that forgiveness and hurt are separate emotions that are part of the same situation. They coincide. They ebb and flow with each other, but they are not solely connected. In fact, I believe, that forgiveness, true forgiveness, cannot really start until accepting the pain begins.
You have to acknowledge the pain, the anger, the heartache, before the scars can fade. You have to let the emotion out. You have to find some way to ride the emotional wave, no matter which emotion, in order to come out the other side. Whether that's screaming in your car, fighting with the other in the mirror, or putting on a song and just letting the tears flow. Whatever the method you choose, you need to give yourself the time and the space to accept the pain. You need to say to yourself "this is my anger. This is my strife. These are my tears that I can no longer keep damned up.", or else the poison will slowly infect your heart. The anger will plant a dark seed that will grow into a notorious weed strangling the joy from everything around you.
By accepting your anger, you are ultimately accepting yourself. You are saying to yourself "I am important." You are saying, "My emotions are valid.", and until you can do that... you won't be able to forgive those that have wronged you, or rebuild the trust that was broken.
Now, I can truly forgive. I can let go. I can move forward from this knowing that my relationship can be stronger than it was before. No more talking about the past. No more holding it over the other's head. Now it is time to rebuild the relationship, and make it something even stronger and brighter.
I forgive because I accept what has happened as being part of the past. I forgive because I will let my anger pass through me, and not be stopped by me. I forgive because I love a very wonderful woman who lets me feel. I forgive because it is time for me to.