Just a missive

Pardon the pity party, but I don't know if I'll make it to 2015. I don't know how many will even notice.

I'm tired of being the work mule. I am tired of having to put myself aside and wait for everyone else around me. I am tired of being the one to keep the house running only to have no time, energy, or resources to work on my projects. I have a garage piling high in recycling because it's too cold to go out there and sort it. I have boxes of Christmas decorations in the hall waiting to be put away. Only thing is that I need to clean up the garage to get them out there.

The kids beds need to be changed, meaning I have mattresses to move. Guess who is in charge of scheduling that? Me.

I have a kitchen to clean, constantly. I have dinners to make because I need to start eating better. The problem is, that I will need to make several dinners because I am sure no one will eat what I need to eat.

I have laundry to wash or else no one will have clean clothes. I have laundry to put away, where I am constantly reminded of clothes that I have.

My blood pressure is over 166 over 107. I am now in hypertension. I am 275 pounds. My fat pants are not too tight.

I have a plethora of art projects to make, and no money to do it. I have a website that needs to be updated, a portfolio that needs to be maintained, rooms to clean, toilets to scrub.

I have things that I want to do, and I can't do any of it.

I am tired of this. I am tired of being the last in line. I am tired of having to put things constantly on hold as if I am always going to have time. I am tired of having to ask permission just to pursue my interests.

I am just tired.

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